Home, sweet home.

So here I am. Home, sweet home.

This is my house. Chosen for me.

I knew it would happen. That I'd be rescued. I was one of the chosen few. Taken from my cell in the wee hours of the morning. Selected from the masses. It was my good behavior. I'm sure of it.

What I'm not sure of is why I was taken there in the first place. I could have sworn it was my sneaky consumption of the cat food, but as soon as we got home Mom gave me some as a treat. I think she's trying to make up for something. Not sure what.

Kitty cat food - salmon fish even.

I've been in quarantine. 30 days exactly. 30 miles outside of Sydney in Eastern Creek.

Looks like jail, right?

So today was the day. Although everyone was really nice to me, I could not wait to leave. I dragged Mom all the way through the lobby into the parking lot. I was so happy to see her.

Mom petting me.

Me petting Mom.

Mom drove to the quarantine facility in a 4-door car today just so I could stick my head out the window. I was appreciative. The smells were different than I remembered. My nose was working overtime.

Going for a ride in the car.

In the car, Mom started telling me, "We're going home...do you want to go home?"

There's that word - home. I know that word. I love that word. She kept repeating it over and over again. And I just looked out the window and sniffed and sniffed.

But the minute we started to park the car, I got so excited. I couldn't contain myself. Home, we're home. Let me out, let me out. I started to whine a little bit (I never whine, so you know I was super excited).

When I walked up to the door, I could barely contain myself. Open. The. Door. I breezed right by the living room, down the hallway and found the kitchen within seconds.

My favorite room is the kitchen, so I had to make sure it was up to snuff.

And it was. It had a jar full of treats made of real chicken and made to look like bacon. I wasn't fooled. I like chicken, but chicken's no bacon.

My ear found the treaty jar!

It also had peanut butter and string cheese. Score! Mom says she liked the kitchen because of the stained glass windows. I don't give two shits about stained glass windows. If it has peanut butter, then I approve.

Ahhhhh... Peanut butter. Back to the good life. That hard life is over. Mom says that you have to go through some bad things in life in order to really appreciate the good things. Well, I sure appreciated that kitty cat food, so I guess she's right.

Hard times.

It rained today for the first time in a long time, so we couldn't make it to the beach. Mom had gotten all worked up about it. Taking me to Sandy Bay. She found it on the "Spit to Manly walk" and says that dogs and their people swim together in the Bay. And there's a lot of sand for chasing tennis balls and no waves. It sounds like heaven.

Mom says I make everything better.

Even the rain. There's a rainbow behind me. See it?

I didn't mind postponing our beach day because I was a little disoriented anyway. I needed to get my bearings. The sounds. The smells. The layout.

The most disorienting thing about this new house is there's an outside in the inside. Two actually. Mom says it's the "patio" and the "inner courtyard". She said I can pee in the courtyard in a pinch but I didn't. I'm more civilized than that. I mean we're inside! Aren't we?

We took a nap today. It was nice to curl up in the bed again. The Vera Wang Serta. The one that Mom got on sale and never likes to get out of. I even got under the covers. I was so content.

Pretty and good and all that.

The only problem with the bed is that it's up these stairs. And they kinda scare me. I trotted up and down confidently the first couple of times. Then I had an epiphany.

I don't like these stairs.

They are scary. And high. And now I have to be carried down. Mom says she's going to get the stairs carpeted so they're not slippery. I hate slippery wood. It's dangerous. Clearly. You don't have to be a dog to know that.

She's going to hire a new handyman to help because the old one ended up being a jackass. I told her that was strong language until she told me about the dryer. She said she'd had to hang her clothes on a piece of string for 4 months. That sounded like torture to me. I mean, what are we in - the Dark Ages? She found what she calls a "work-around". I think that's career language for duct taping the door back on.

What can I say? It works.

After getting settled in my new house, we went to Punch Park. We even played with the Chuck-It. I wasn't really into it because the tennis ball was new. I only like tennis balls that have been slobbered on by some other dog. I think someone needs to send me a care package of old, dingy, slobbered-on tennis balls. Preferably stolen. Those are the best.

And no fancy colors. You know I only like the yellow ones.

After that we went to park the car. Mom ended up parking it a few blocks up the street even though there was a space right in front of our house. But Mom says we share this car - not like Ima Jane in San Francisco. She said we have to reserve it online. That makes no sense to me. Why not just buy one? But Mom says cars are "expensive" here. That word's not in my vocabulary, so I'm not going to worry about it.

She says dog food's expensive too. One big bag of Science Diet is over $90. Again, not in my vocabulary. Just. Buy. It. I'm hungry.

She also bought me some new toys. The Hedgehog and The Dog. They squeak. But I am a little skeptical of them. I prefer The Rope and The Chicken. My old toys from San Francisco. I'm more excited about the old and familiar than the new and exciting right now. I've had enough excitement. Maybe I'll warm up to them eventually.

Later in the day we went to the little fish restaurant and got some grilled fish and French fries. Mom says it's called "fish and chips". While I was waiting outside, two Australian kids asked to pet me. They called me a "he" which was a little annoying, but they were really nice. One had pink hair and one talked a lot.

Mom told them I'd just gotten out of quarantine today. "Why," the girls asked? "Because Australia doesn't have rabies and all these other diseases that we have in the United States."

"Gosh," they said, backing away facetiously. "No, no - she's fine." Mom said. "Believe me - they've checked." So they cooed at me some more and I did a downward dog. Just to show off.

They asked where we were from and Mom said the United States. "Is it still snowing in America right now?" they asked.

Mom had to think for a minute. Um, I guess so. I mean - in SOME parts. America's pretty huge.

"I have always wanted to go to New York so I could see snow," one said. "It's so hot here in Australia."

Mom said, "It snows in Japan - that's closer."

They asked Mom if everyone in the USA thinks that Australians ride kangaroos. "Um, I don't think so," she replied. "They certainly don't know you EAT kangaroos, however" she said.

"Kangaroo is really good for you." one said.

"And delicious," the other said.

Mom thought that was "disturbing." I'm not really sure why because she eats cow and pig and chicken. What's the difference? But Mom says that kangaroos hop.

I'm still mulling that one over.

Mom says the Australian coat of arms has both the kangaroo and the emu on it. And Australians eat both. They are the only country in the world that eats it's national emblems.

Yum?

In fact, a meal of kangaroo + emu is called the "Coat of Arms". They've even come out with Coat of Arms flavored potato chips. BTW, they do some weird shit with potato chips here. Chicken flavor? Ham flavor? Buttered popcorn flavor (duh - just eat some buttered popcorn)? Caesar salad flavor? Yep. All true.

The pink-haired girl said, "Why do Americans say - put another shrimp on the barbie - like we say that or something?" Mom said she had no idea. Wikipedia knows though.

They asked if she thought they talked funny. She said no. But I said yes. They liked Mom's sweatshirt. It says YouTube on it.

The one girl said, "Tell 'em the cool kids ride emus."

OK, she said.

After that we went to Rozelle Fruit and Veg where Mom gets her fruit & veg. Mom says the mangoes are really good here, but I don't eat mangoes so who cares? She wasted $25 buying a carrot, a watermelon, a red pepper, an avocado, a mango, a tomato, a head of broccoli, three bananas and four pears. She should have bought some bacon.

Later Mom broke the news to me about the squirrels. I was in absolute shock. I just sat there - dumbfounded. I mean, how can this be? It's...it's just so unfair.

There are no squirrels in Australia. None. They aren't "indigenous". That word is certainly not in my vocabulary. Mom tried to explain by telling me a creepy story about some rabbits, but that did not make me feel better. She says Australia was separated from the rest of the world before squirrels "evolved". Huh?

I can't imagine a world without squirrels to chase. I just can't. She said instead of squirrels they have bats. Bats? A bat is not an even trade for a squirrel. I'm sorry. They just aren't. I can't chase bats.

When I dream, I dream of squirrels. Chasing them. My little lip curls up and I make muffled barking sounds. At least I'll still have them in my dreams.

Now I'm on my new couch - drooling. Dreaming and drooling.

Mom's watching Dexter. She just finished the final episode. She's wondering what the hell to do now. I'm going to suggest getting off the couch and taking me to the beach.

~Happy ANZAC Day & Homecoming Day for Rose~