What is wrong with you people?

It took me 9 months to hear the word ranga. I was having lunch at work with some friends… couple Aussies, couple Americans.

I made mention of how I’m called a “ginger” being a redhead – and Linda said, “You mean a ranga.”

“A ranga?”

“Yeah, that’s what we call redheads in Australia.”

“What is a ranga?”

“You know – like orangutan.”

“You are KIDDING ME.”

“No one’s called you a ranga yet?”

“No!"

They laughed hysterically.

“Yeah, there was even a Kick a Ranga Day started at this school.”

“Kick a ranga?”

“Yeah, you are supposed to kick the rangas.”

“Like - kick the redheads?”

“Yeah. School officials found out and they changed it to Hug a Ranga.”

“Wait.”

“Wait, wait, wait.”

“They changed it to HUG A RANGA?"

At this point, I’m dying of laughter. And of appreciation for the absurd. What. is. wrong. with. these. people?

I said, “Um, do they not understand that the word RANGA is the offensive part??!!?”

We laughed. We were getting loud. I was doubled over. RANGA?!?!

“Why have I not heard of this? I’ve been here 9 months.”

So I did a little research. And I found out that Australians are assholes. And they don't like redheads.

Here's how Urban Dictionary defines the word ranga.

I like that the synonyms for the word ranga do not only include “ginger”, “redhead”, “carrot”, “red crayon”, “fanta”, “orangutan”, “blood nut” and “carrot top” but also “slut”, “angry”, “homo” and “tranny”.

WTF?

Others define it as: "One who is the recipient of the defective brown hair gene, resulting in translucent skin, freckles and orange hair."

Ted: "Hey is that an Albino on fire?"

Dave: "Negative chief it's just a ranga."

Supposedly, this is how it started:



"But redheads aren't a race, Jonah." haha

There's a saying in Australia, “Be nice to a redhead. They’ve been tortured all their lives.” They're called names. Bullied. Kicked. Made fun of.

I mean, this isn't completely different to how redheads are treated outside of Australia. I did get a bit of it as a kid. Carrot top. Freckle face. Fire engine. Firecracker. The boys were the worst. They liked to ask me questions about curtains & drapes. Or chant things like "red on the head, fire in the hole." It was awesome. I wanted to kill them all.

But in Australia, let's just say they take it to a whole other level. Australians enjoy "taking the piss". Which basically means slaughtering you and then saying it was a joke. And they don't hold back when it comes to follicular minorities.

How cruel are these people?

Here are some of the words they use to describe us:

bluey ("bluey" is to redhead as "tiny" is to a fat person)

fanta pants

You can even become a member on FB

ronald mcdonald (clever, Australia.)

gingarians

road cones

ginger ninja (remember - no R's)

Type "ginger ninja" into Image Search in Australia and you get a picture of this kid crying.

Poor little ranga

and many, many more.

Australians take every opportunity to turn something into a party. Even the mocking of redheads. At the Coogee Bay Hotel in Bondi (which I went to last weekend, ironically) they have an annual "Red Ranga Day". I tore this out of their loyalty program application.

Yep. Australia has loyalty programs for bars.

Celebrating the Fire Within:

I even found this crazy question (with corresponding crazy answer): “How do I stop the ranga gene?”

Let's hope they're being cheeky since we all know how dangerous bulls are.

The Adelaide Zoo even had plans to photograph redheads in an effort to promote the plight of orangutans. Apparently some people got angry.

The Zoo’s director said: “We seem to be getting quite a bit of negative reaction to that request. People are possibly more sensitive about it [being likened to apes] than we thought.”

Oh, and of course there are the lame jokes. And these are just comedy gold, right? Right? Ugh.

What is the difference between a bitch and a ranga?

Not a damn thing, but you better not tell her that.

Yeah. You better not.

If you love a ranga, set her free ...

If she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours.

Apparently we're also psychotic.

But now rangas are getting revenge. We've (they've) even voted one into office. I'm not sure how that happened considering only 2% of the population is a true redhead, but no matter.

Australia has a ranga prime minister. Now, hair color is not something that is typically referenced in political debate. Not outside Australia anyway. The Brisbane Times interview with her is titled, “From one carrot top to another – Go Ranga.”

They call her the “ranga-in-chief” or "lone ranga".

The Australian reported that Julia Gillard's opposition had been caught referring to her as "the ranga" in an "embarrassing Twitter slip-up".

The Sydney Morning Herald poses questions like: "Does hair color matter in a prime minister."

I'll give you a hint.

NO, JACKASS.

And the pun. Oh, the pun is too much to bear.

There are Facebook groups called: “Don’t you hate when you wake up and a ranga is running our country?” and “It’s OK that Kevin Rudd cried…I’d cry too if a redhead took my job.”

Some other Facebook gems:

What's the funniest insult for a ranga. They’re all pretty mean, but I really like this guy’s response: “We got one at work we call Rizzo.”

Which ranga is the biggest homo? Uh-mazing.

Some of the redheads of Australia are getting fed up with this ranga thing. And they're taking it to YouTube. And they should! We don’t deserve to be made fun of just because we have a genetic mutation. I mean, c'mon.

This gal tries to rationalize our right to exist with statistics. She says, “On Australian Idol, for the first time in HISTORY, 2 redheads are in the Top 24.”



Now, that's some solid data.

In response to this "outrage", there's a Sorry Ranga Day in Australia.

And people apologize in all sorts of ways. But mostly, they choose the "pour salt in the wound" method of apologizing.

These girls wrote a really lame excuse for a song apologizing to rangas:

Some dress up mockingly:

Some wear t-shirts:

Some write it in the sky:

Even Time Out Sydney apologized to the rangas. But not before insulting us.

“We're sorry Rangas. Sorry for not resisting the urge to play connect-the-dots with your freckles. Sorry for saying you look terrible in pink. Sorry for implying you all look like tree-dwelling, non-bathing primates… Sorry Ranga Day is your chance to reconcile with a rusty-crutched gingernut near you."

Mmmm... salty.

But then I found out that in New Zealand they believe that redheads have a straight road to heaven. And now I just can’t wait to visit New Zealand. Once I'm on foreign soil, I'll fight back with...

“Gentlemen may prefer blondes, but it takes a real man to handle a redhead."

Yeah.

"Good girls go to heaven, Redheads go where ever they damn well please."

YEAH.

The Onion knows what's up.

“And if my search for a redheaded soulmate doesn't pan out, I hear Korean women are complete freaks in bed.”

HA

So my coworkers decided to make it up to me and we did a little video called "Hug a Ranga". They wanted to educate the rest of the world on Australia's appreciation for follicular diversity. And have a little fun. Director credits go to Rosalie (of course).

Before you watch, these little red balls are called jaffas. They're a popular candy in Australia:

Jaffa

WARNING: THIS IS NC-17. WELL, NOT REALLY. BUT IT'S SLIGHTLY OFFENSIVE. AFTER ALL, AUSTRALIANS WERE INVOLVED IN THE MAKING OF THIS VIDEO.

I cannot be in the same room with Tom without laughing hysterically.

As you can see.

So after that salty apology, I had some folks over to my house for a "Hug a Ranga" party. They even bought me a t-shirt. Thanks, Rosalie!

I made some soup & cornbread stuffing and we had red wine and I got lots of hugs.

So you see, in Australia, they may be follicular racists, but they're fun-loving follicular racists.