Up is down. Down is up.

You know how Seinfeld has Jerry's alter-ego Bizzaro-Jerry? Well, Australia's a bit of bizarro land for me. Some things are just plain inside out. Up is down. Down is up.

Everyone has heard about the toilet flush going counter-clockwise "down under" but there are plenty of examples (that aren't necessarily so scientific in nature). Australia isn't as different from the U.S. as most foreign countries (language aside), so it can catch you off-guard...

#1. Aussies walk and drive on the left-hand side. Why is that? So they could pull their sword out with their right (dominant) hand.

I mean, OBVIOUSLY.

My bizarro driving experience of the week was going through the Maccas (McDonalds) drive-thru on the opposite side. Takes a little getting used to.

#2. They don't use clothes dryers. Hardly anyone does. And not just old people. Regular people actually hang their clothes on a clothes line. Just like your great-grandma did. After she washed her frocks on a washboard.

No one would ever use a washboard these days so why a clothes line? It's not convenient. And the clothes come out all crusty and hard - with spider webs.

I was listening to the radio today while driving out to see Rose. An anchorwoman had written a book on "having it all" and the short cuts you have to take to have a family and career. It was called "A Pressure Cooker Saved my Life". People were calling in and giving their tips.

One woman called and said, "I have my clothes line in the living room." She said it saved time. You can just hang laundry while you're watching TV.

Everyone thought that was just brilliant. What a time-saver, they raved!

Um, GET A DRYER, STUPID.

#3. Pumpkins and beets aren't just for Thanksgiving. In fact they're in EVERYTHING. Beets (aka in Oz beet root) are a staple on hamburgers. You do not get a hamburger without beet root. They really like their root veggies here.

#4. In Easter it's Fall not Spring. At Christmas it's blazing hot. My birthday is now in winter.

#5. The Australian Post doesn't look drab and depressing like our post office. And there's no concept of "going postal" in Oz. In fact, the Australian Post is full of smiling people. It reminds me of an office supply store where you can coincidentally buy stamps. They sell batteries and printer paper to iTunes gift cards and children's books.

#6. People ride in the front seat of a cab (even if the back seat is not full). In fact, cab drivers put the front passenger seat so far back that you can barely squeeze into the backseat. But I still do.

#7. The way they say words is different here obviously, but there were some pronunciations that surprised me. They do the "I PAHRKED THE CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD" kinda thing but then they pronounce Mazda and Shiraz in a 'flat' way. Americans say MAHZDA. They say Maaazda. Americans say ShirAHZ and they say Shiraaaz. It throws you off.

#8. They don't pronounce the R at the end of the sentence, BUT they add them when they're not there. For instance, Obama is "Obamar".

#9. If someone says you're skinny, it's not necessarily a complement. Aussies like their women to be women. Curvy. Soft. Voluptuous. "Well-fed". It's not weird to see a thin guy with a generously apportioned woman. And very happily so.

#10. Garbage pick-up takes place at night instead of the early morning. I like it better.

#11. "Cleaning ladies" do not make your bed. Or do your dishes. Or your laundry or take out your trash. She cleans. And that's it. Dust, sweep, mop, bathroom & kitchen duty and that's it. And no straightening at all. And you still pay her $90.

#12. Oh and Liberal Party isn't liberal in Australia. The Labor party is. And environmentalists are called "greenies".

#13. Australians don't seem all that motivated by money. Now this is a weird one for me. Coming from the good ol' U.S. of A. where its all about the "almighty dollar". Everything closes at 6:00. Even if there's good financial reason to stay open later. On holidays, nothing is open. We've already talked about customer service which is total shit. Businesses don't call you back. They say something will be ready in a week and four weeks later they haven't returned your phone calls. Having your business is not as important as taking their sweet ass time.

#14. I've been told that Australians aren't really big on saving money like Americans pretend to be (at least it's what we THINK we should be doing). Here the culture doesn't really encourage it. People say they don't "want to be the richest person in the cemetery". A lot of people I meet rent huge homes. Ones you would normally buy in the U.S. in order not to hemorrhage cash to a landlord instead of investing in your own future. Or you'd rent a smaller one that wouldn't bleed you dry.

#15. Gambling is legal everywhere. And not just that - ONLINE gambling is legal. People place bets on horses all day long on Sportsbet.com.au.

#16. Your checking account is called your Savings account. This still confuses the hell out of me. And they ask you if you want to use a PIN or sign for a credit card (and I don't mean Debit card). I don't even have a PIN for my credit card.

#17. They use petrol instead of gas. Now I always thought these were the same thing - just different names. But they're different. I found this out because I told a cab driver, insistently, "Hey, your gas light is on. You need gas." He didn't seem concerned so I said it again (I'm such a busybody). He said, "Oh, no we don't use petrol, we use gas. Ignore the light." Apparently gas is cheaper, so they must have converted all the cabs to gas and the "petrol light" was on.

#18. There is no tipping in Australia. Like none. It stuns me that anyone would be a bartender or a waitress without tips. Why work so hard if you're not working for a fat tip? The answer? They don't. Service isn't always with a smile. But then again, the minimum wage is $15 an hour.

#19. We say vacation. They say "annual leave". I always think someone's left for a month when someone says, "Oh, they're on leave." And then the next day I see the person and realize they took a vacation day.

#20. If you think weather reports are spotty in the U.S., come to Australia. The technology isn't as good here which means the weatherman is even more laughable in Australia.

#21. You pay your bills via something called BPAY and no one uses or even has checks. For each biller you get a number for BPAY and you pay directly from your bank through the mail or through online banking. My landlord thought I was crazy when I asked if I could pay him with a check. He just gave me his BSB number and I transfer it directly into his bank account free of charge (and he doesn't even bank with my same bank). When I transfer money to one Bank of America account to another they charge me $25 and the recipient gets charged $25. I call bullshit. I hate Bank of America.

#22. There is no dial tone. There is just a ring. When I pick up my phone it starts ringing, even before I call anyone. That's their "dial tone". It's confusing.

#23. Light switches are backwards. Up is off and down is on. This STILL confounds me.

I thought it may have gotten even more Bizarro on my last trip home from Oz. My computer screen actually flipped upside down. After flying out of Sydney towards California, the screen just decided it would just invert.

Up is down. Down is up.

Coincidence?